McFreedom

Alright, I realize that, if you look up "easy," it looks something like this:

eas·y adj. Serious, line-by-line criticism of Nazi press releases.

But, when I saw that Nazi press release on Instapundit, I couldn't resist. Yes, the "National Socialist Movement," better known world-wide by their catchy nickname, the "Nazis," are planning on fielding a candidate for President in 2008. This marks the end of a long silcence for the Nazis; as they note in their press release, "No openly National Socialist Candidate has ran [sic] for the Presidency [sic] of the United States, since Commander George Lincoln Rockwell planned on doing so, prior to his assassinations in the 1960's [sic]." In other words, the last time a Nazi ran for President was when this other guy didn't run for President because somebody shot him. And you have to like the implied conspiracy there, "planned on doing so, prior to his assassination." In reality, he was shot by someone they kicked out of the party for being a Commie. Then there's the sinister insinuation that no openly National Social Candidate has run. As if they've been secretly pulling the strings behind American politics for the past forty years.

They then note, "The American People deserve far better than to have to make an ill informed choice between the lesser of two evils." Ok, a couple of points on this one. First of all, if my choice is only between the lesser of two evils, why does it matter if I'm ill-informed? Are they afraid I'm going to mistakenly choose the lesser of two evils, instead of the greater? Which brings me to the second point: Do these guys really want to bring up "the lesser of two evils" when talking about their candidate? "Vote Nazi in 2008: Why have the lesser of two evils?" Or how about, "Nazi Party in '08/If you want evil, make it great!"

Of course, one thing conspicuously absent from the press release is the word "Nazi." I'm guessing they're betting that the average American doesn't know their full party name. Although their site icon does kinda give the game away:

If you stumble around their website, it becomes clear that the only thing scarier than their ideology is their writing ability. Their "25 Points of American National Socialism" would be a frightening document if their main tactical goal wasn't larger than convincing their membership not to trust fake emails from the wrong hotmail account. As Commander Shemp - er, sorry, Schoep - notes on their front page, "a single letter 'm' in the spelling is the give-away" that you've received mail from the imposter commander. So, be alert out there, people!

Looking at their platform, however, I see I may have to rethink my position on the flat-tax, which I've tenatively supported. But, if the Nazis are for it, it can't be that good an idea. More comforting is that they're pro-life, anti-drug and opposed to the war in Iraq. It's a little worrisome that they demand "the right to bear arms for law-abiding citizens" until you realize they're Nazis and citizens are, by definition, "only those of pure White blood." Even if you leave out the rabid racism and homophobia, it's a pretty scary platform that would effectively end private ownership of real property, outlaw charging interest and nationalize ownership of all businesses. It proposes official state censorship of the press, prohibition of unions, and, presumably (though they aren't very clear on it), socialized medicine. They're "looking for translators of all languages" to come up with versions in foreign languages (for what purpose I'm not sure, since they're going to end immigration). Some of the languages they already have I'm sure none of them read, so I certainly hope those documents were done by intelligent people and contain platform planks like "mandatory child molestation." I note they're lacking a Hebrew translation: perhaps someone could help them out! Although, if you do email them, make sure you put two ms in the address. Wouldn't want to get that imposter commander, by mistake!